


Fake Piercings and Faux Personalities

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Retail, Best Friends, Boss/Employee Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Nail Polish, Piercings, Punk Dan, Punk Dan Howell, Punk Phil Lester, YouTuber Phil Lester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-26
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-07-02 21:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15804768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Think2 Editing Company went under having Phil be unemployed, he realised that focusing on YouTube was what was really important to him. However, it still doesn't make enough cash so that's how Phil ended up putting on ripped jeans and nail polish for a part time job at Hot Topic. Will he be able to pull of this false facade?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! That's right, I'm back to actually writing fics again. Y'all thought I was dead and gone well here is a new one. I wrote this consistently over 3 days at 2am but I still think it is pretty decent. I might make this chaptered but it can also be read as a one-shot. So let me know!

“We are all really looking forward to speaking with you! Dress comfortably and come as you are! See you at 5:30!”

That is the 4th time Phil has listened to that stupid voicemail today. “Come as you are!” “They don’t want me to come as I am”, he thought. He mentally scoffed. No, Phil has been to Hot Topic far more than he can care to admit, believing his emo phase to be over (even though they do have a great graphic tee section). And he knows the kinds of people who work there. They want young hip teens who can speak in memes and relate to the other angsty teens who come in, not a cheerful 25 year old guy who dresses like a traffic cone!

“Calm down,” Phil told himself, “People like the way you dress, most importantly you like the way you dress,” He snorted air out of his nose and flipped open his laptop once more, looking at the Hot Topic models in the catalogues. All with dark lipstick and pale skin illuminating the haunted background they were draped behind. It gave Phil anxiety. Sure, Phil had the pale skin and striking black hair that draws you in when he enters a room, but everything else about his personality and appearance screams the exact opposite. It felt like this interview had him entering a haunted house where the ghosts were just haunts of his past fashion from 10 years ago trying to possess his brain again. 

Phil can admit that he has, as some would call it, a ‘glo up’. He still kept his unmistakable black hair but it was now fashioned up into a quiff, finally exposing his forehead after many years of neglect. Whilst he still wears graphic tees that announce his presence in a room without speaking a word, they have become more mature, something more appropriate for a young man entering his 30’s. However, he still wears the same 3 pairs of black jeans as well as the same battered Adidas shoes that are worn at the toe and have frayed since the aglet peeled off a year ago. Phil likes his style and he gets lots of compliments on his change of pace from the viewers on his Youtube channel. But does Hot Topic care about how many 17 year olds want to either kiss him or steal his style? Absolutely not. 

Normally, Phil isn’t that worried about job interviews, he has held multiple long term jobs and has a Masters in Video Post Production. He is normally a pretty charismatic guy, so he isn’t bad at interviews. But after the video editing company he worked at went under, he hasn’t gotten a paycheck in a couple of weeks and rent is due soon. He needs at least a part time job. YouTube was a pretty good source of income right now, it normally just covers his rent and utilities checks, but unless he gets a roommate or another job, he can’t really afford to pay for food, video games or Amazon shopping sprees for gifts to himself. Y’know, the essentials. He applied at a couple places, but they were all looking for full time and YouTube was his priority. Then there was an opening for a Key Manager that was part time and paid pretty good too. He applied thinking he wasn’t going to hear anything back (he applied about 7 or 8 years ago and didn’t even get a rejection email) and now he was in a predicament. 

Phil kept thinking about the cold dead stares from the Hot Topic teen models as he walked down to the mailroom and saw a package in his slot. He shook the envelope and smiled, hearing the jingling inside. He ran back upstairs and ripped open the manilla packaging. He found the multiple fake piercings and studs he ordered and smiled. Maybe if Phil wasn’t desperate for a paycheck, he wouldn’t go as far trying to appropriate punk rock culture, but these piercings were only 6 pound and he was getting desperate. So he sought off to his room and went to get dressed. 

Phil already had an outfit picked out, luckily. He chose a plain white shirt but over it had a black jean jacket with some frayed bits on the pockets and other parts. 

“Here we- oh shoot no!” Phil cried out; when putting on the black ripped jeans he had chosen, his red socked foot slipped and went through a rip in the jeans, tearing them even more than they already were. He hopped on one foot and almost fell before flopping down on his back on top of the green sheeted bed. He held his legs directly up in the air, attempting to fix the issue. “Now these jeans are more rip then jean,” he chuckled to himself, knowing that that is something his Mum would say. That reminded him that he needed to call her after the interview. 

The hole was not the only thing that gave him trouble with the jeans. Whilst they were his waist and length size, they were incredibly tight for his meaty thighs. He struggled for a while to get them on over his butt and let out a sigh of exasperation when they were finally on. He then turned his attention to his face which he decided was a little too clean cut for Hot Topic. He sat down in front of his full length mirror and grabbed the bag full of fake piercings, they were all jingling around making a beautiful noise. He shook it a bit more and started dancing along to the music for a bit, until he looked at the bright numbers on his alarm, the clock laughing in his face telling him he only has an hour before the interview. He shook his head to clear his mind like a Etch-A-Sketch, trying his best to find the best piercing combination possible. He put the magnetic gauges in his ear and also “pierced” his right nostril. 

“16 year old Phil is quaking right now!” He laughed to himself. On the left side of his lip, he did two spider bites, to be proportional. He looked at himself in the mirror, kind of freaked out. As much as he would love to just walk around like his, he doesn’t think he could face his friends and family or anyone he knew “pre-transformation”. He turned his head to his hair, still liking it in the quiff. He also got his sides shaved a little a few days ago, which also adds to the look. The look was still missing something, Phil debated on eyeliner, but he figured he would just mess it up and his plan would be ruined. After going back and forth for a while, he thought of the perfect idea. 

He ran to his kitchen which harbored the junk drawer full of all different things from various videos. Yarn, food coloring, an old small tub of slime and the product he was looking for: black nail polish. He had recently done a video challenge where he drew with different types of makeup that his followers recommended on Twitter, so he luckily knew exactly where it was. 

It took Phil a good 25 minutes to perfectly apply the nail polish to each hand. Doing his left hand was easy and it looked great, but most of the time was spent trying not to completely screw up the latter. He did end up getting some spots of nail polish on his skin. It also didn’t help that the fake piercings were starting to get kind of irritating and all he could think about was itching them. But, overall, Phil was quite proud of the finished product. He ran his fingers under cold water and was disappointed to remember that he didn’t clear have nail polish to do a finishing coating (something his friend Louise said was essential), which was probably for the best because the interview was in 15 minutes and the mall where the Hot Topic was was about a 10 minute walk from his house. Phil slipped on his Adidas (disappointed he didn’t have any cooler shoes to match his new look) and headed out.

Leaving the building, it was a weird autumn weather where the sun is out and shining but the wind is cool on your face, so thankfully the black jean jacket was appropriate for the climate; Phil hadn’t even been bothered to check. Phil put in his earbuds and listened to his best emo songs on the way, trying to prepare himself. He did get more looks from strangers, but because of how busy the bustling boroughs of London are, no one really spared him a second glance. He looked at himself through the windows of a passing bus and a stranger looked back as his reflection. Not in a bad way though, just in a way that that may as well be Phil from an alternate dimension. One where he is cooler and more badass. 

Phil turns up his music and walks with some more purpose. He is now imagining himself in this alternate world where he is a cool edgy badass who rides a motorcycle and lights things on fire and saves girls from creeps at bars by punching them in the face because he is this intimidating guy. Midway through Phil’s daydream he does trip and stumble over his own feet. 

“I guess that’s why dreams stay in your head,” Phil chuckled. He eventually got to the Galleria Shopping Center and threw open the doors to find the Hot Topic. Phil took his earbuds out of his head and looked around at the glowing shops and kiosks around him. He passed a Victoria Secret and a Topman on his march to the store. He nodded and smiled at the other patrons, probably being able to guess which store he was headed to. He eventually made it to the shop and the music changed from a gentle caress of pop to a cacophony of punk. Hot Topic was advertising a buy one get one free t-shirt deal, the signage taking place in the very center of the shop. He looked around a bit at the Stranger Things merchandise before coming up to the counter. There was a girl standing behind the counter, who was about 6 inches shorter than himself, with a short pink haircut and black floral tattoos up and down her left arm. She was wearing pretty purple lipstick and eyeshadow to match. She had darker features with a soft, friendly face. “Emilee” was her name. 

“Um, uh, hi, sorry,” Phil greeter Emilee awkwardly and she smiled and asked what he needed help with, “Hi, I am here for an interview today. I spoke with Russell on the phone,” She frowned for a moment and asked his name (“Oh! Uh, Phil- Philip Lester!”) then excused herself to the back room. Phil stood there mentally kicking himself and wanting the sun to just enter the shop and engulf him in it’s flames. Why does he have to be so awkward! Badass!Phil wasn’t supposed to be so awkward. Just say what you gotta say with purpose. Don’t backtrack. That was the plan he told himself. 

He stood up straighter when Emilee came back, but also leaned against the counter to be cool. She folded her hands and put her elbows on the counter, and she spoke with a nice Italian accent, “So Russell is out for the day, his kid got sick with pneumonia but he did give us permission to have our Senior Key Manager interview you,” Phil cocked his head and she laughed, “Don’t worry he’s cool. Been here ages and Russell trust him with his life. So um,” She straightened herself out and gestured with the sleeved arm, “Come with me to the back. Dan, that’s our Senior Key Manager, is just finishing up inventory, shouldn’t be any more than 5 minutes,” They entered the back which looked like a standard break room. The walls were painted white with tables to match, there were 4 office chairs at the 2 tables, there was a fridge and next to it was a counter with a microwave. Phil sat in the far chair, hesitated, then put his feet up on the table, showing his ugly Adidas sneakers to the world. Emilee paused to look at Phil before shaking her head, “Can I get anything to drink while you wait we have Pepsi and Mountain Dew-” 

“Yea, can I get some black water,” Phil asked, before being able to stop himself. Emilee looked at him confused. 

“You want some… black wat-” 

“Black water, yea. That clear stuff is too soft for me,” He smiled then turned away mouthing “WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU FOOL” to himself. Emilee went out the door. There was a pause. A few moments later she came back with BLK Mineral Water. She was smiling again. 

“Sorry, I forgot we sold that here!” She continued to smile, “Let me know if I can do anything else,” And she was gone again. Phil groaned and began to make sobbing noises. Why was he so bad at this? He just needs to relax. He opened up his BLK water and took a big swig.

“I am so unimpressed,” He said out loud. It just tasted like regular water! Now he felt even more stupid. He scrolled through Tumblr a bit more, looked and laughed at some memes and dogs, when the door opened from the other side of the breakroom, and it wasn’t Emilee this time. 

A tall curly haired man was looking down very intently holding a clipboard. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt with red lettering saying “Life’s a beach, then you die” in a circle. Also, he had on black skinny jeans with black and white ninja type shoes. He was effortlessly edgy. No tattoos, no piercings. Phil felt a bit embarrassed, licking his spider bites as he continued to fill things out on his clipboard. He clicked the pen a couple times before looking up at Phil. He sort of stared at him for a moment, a mixture of shock and admiration forcame his face as his carmel eyes flicked up and down Phil’s relaxed stance. But he smiles and took long strides over to Phil’s chilled out body. 

“Hi, Daniel Howell, Senior Key Manager, it’s a pleasure,” He held his hand out for Phil to shake and Phil quickly removed his legs from the table and sat up to shake the man’s hand. 

“Phil, and same to you,” He said casually. Dan placed himself in the chair across from Phil, looked at his resume, and back up at Phil. 

“So, I am going to rattle off some basic interview question, some I am sure you have heard a thousand times, then I’ll ask you some more obscure things that you probably wouldn’t hear in a typical interview,” 

“Oof, I am not sure how I like that,” 

Dan smirked, “I dunno, could get pretty raunchy,”

“Still would not be my worst interview,” Phil threw back and Dan grinned, liking the quid pro quo they had going. The interview questions were pretty standard, nothing Phil hadn’t heard before, though, that didn’t stop him from fidgeting and tapping on the table, drinking his BLK water every second he wasn’t speaking. Something about Dan’s cool but slightly awkward demeanor really threw him off. 

After a few minutes of answering questions and Dan writing, he looked up and said, “Okay now we can actually get to the not boring questions. Do you need anything before we continue,” 

 

“Just some sweet cash for a new tat, laddie,” Phil said. He knew it wasn’t cool, and if he could eat his words, they would be gone faster than pepperoni pizza on a Friday night. Dan raised on eyebrow at him 

“You’re weird,” He told him, “But that’s okay. We look for people who are relatable who can work with us and share interests with our guests. How do you keep up with pop culture today?” 

“Well I have almost all the types of social media: Facebook, Instagram, but I mainly use Twitter and Tumblr for pop culture updates so to speak, but I still have a presence on all. The whole 9 yards. I even think my MySpace is still floating around there somewhere…” 

Dan snorted and wrote down the answers, Phil tried to sit up a little to see what he was writing (secretly) and he pulled he clipboard closer to his chest, “No peeking!” Dan gave Phil a dirty look and he pulled a fake sad face out of his emotional repertoire and he smirked back, “Okay, what current TV shows and movies do you watch?” 

Phil talked about Stranger Things, The Crown, Black Mirror, and other TV shows he was into. He probably talked for too long about Thor and the Avengers but also threw in Star Wars and Harry Potter. Then he mentioned his love of anime, which made Dan smile and nod his head, scribbling something down on his clipboard of mystery. 

“What kind of music do you listen to?” 

“I like to say I listen to it all, but really it’s a lot of Fall Out Boy, Panic At The Disco, Muse, Green Day. I listen to songs on the radio and also a lot of old 90’s - 2000’s esque songs for the nostalgia.” 

“Noice,” Dan said, smiling at his paper. 

“Thanks, I like to think I am pretty cool,” 

“And the last question here is what is the last concert you attended?” 

Oof, that was a tricky question. Of course, Phil has mild social anxiety so being in big crowds doesn’t exactly sound like a pleasant time. Also, a lot of Phil’s friends don’t really like his music taste. 

“Um, oh! I went to Green Day’s Revolution Radio about a year ago. I was an interviewer for BBC Radio 1 so I went around interviewing fans and the venue head and the lighting guy,” Phil explained a bit more of his role. 

“Did you get to meet Billie Joe?” Dan asked, excited. 

Phil sighed, “I did not but I did get to interview Tre Cool which was equally as exciting. I wasn’t planning on it, I just accidently caught him on the way to the bathroom backstage,” 

Dan smiled, “What a gem,” Dan lifted up the clip of the clipboard and pulled out a piece of paper underneath the one he was writing on and put it on the table, which Phil recognized as his resume. He knew it immediately because he was very proud of the layout and design. If it was printed in color, some of the lettering would be orange. Dan picked it up, glanced at it, and then looked at Phil, “Now Phil, I am going to be honest here, you have some pretty impressive qualifications here. Masters in Video Post Production, assistant supervisor at Think2 Video Editing, 7 years of work experience. I just gotta ask, why work here?” 

Phil sighed, “Well, Think2 Video Editing went under so I don’t really have a job right now and I have a rent to pay and other essentials-” 

“Like your new tat,” Dan interrupted. Phil’s face flushed red and Dan smirked at him. 

“Right, like that,” Phil stammered. He cleared his throat and continued, “And the company going under made realise that I needed to focus on what was really important to me and what makes me happy. And, this is going to sound kind of embarrassing, it’s YouTube,” Dan raised his eyebrows and leaned back in this chair, arms crossed, “I have more fun making YouTube videos than doing anything else. Writing, editing, filming, and all that makes me happier than anything else, despite all the hard work that it is,” 

“No yea I totally get it,” Dan said, “A lot of our workers here have a YouTube channel for like music and make-up, how many subscribers do you have?” Dan asked politely.

Phil blushed a little, “Well, uh, I am just shy of 400k,” Dan’s eyes were practically bulging out of his head, “So you can tell I have a pretty good foundation. And I love shopping here and it’s a really good creative place that can help me earn some extra cash.” 

“So you’re a pretty big YouTuber huh?” Dan asked. Phil blushed and was about to respond but Dan got there first, “Here, give me your YouTube handle, I’ll subscribe,” He said, pulling out his phone. 

Phil paused for a moment, twitching his nose under the false piercing, “Uh, I don’t think that is such a goo-” 

“Oh c’mon, I wanna add to your subscriber count,” Dan drawled with a hint of haughtiness in his voice, “Also, it is routine for us to just look over your social media, making sure that your online presence isn’t going to be controversial to the brand,” 

Phil knew this, all jobs check social media these days, he was never really worried because all of his content was family-friendly (sparing some accidental innuendos) with no swearing. But that really wasn’t what he was worried about, he thought, as Phil tugged at the strings in the rip of his jeans. “Yea, it’s um AmazingPhil,” 

Dan smirked and quickly typed it in and Phil could see him scrolling. The jacket he has on suddenly felt like a heated coat and attempted to roll up the sleeved. Phil kept looking at Dan, one dimple poking out of his cheek, his frown deepening. Dan’s eyes flickered up to Phil’s face a couple times and once more scanned his appearance. He then, what it looked like, clicked the home button, opened another app, typed something and scrolled again. Not being able to see what Dan was seeing and the cutting silence that Phil could feel piercing his skin (just like the rings weren’t) was almost unbearable. 

“So, uh, Phil? When did you get all these piercings? I don’t see them on your Instagram?”

Phil felt like he was swallowing wool and his hands were too sweaty for the BLK water, “Just a few days ago, y’know how it is,” 

Dan hummed, kept scrolling, then looked back up again, “Y’know, a lot of buddies of mine have gotten piercings and gauges and their skin was really irritated and for a lot of lip piercings, the area got swollen. Weird that that didn’t happen to you, yea?” 

This was it, this is where he died. This is where the ground opened up and swallowed him whole. Phil muttered out something unintelligible to him but must have translated to “Lucky I guess…” 

“And what is with all the black today? Normally all of your clothing in these pictures are bright and plaid and fun-” 

“Alright!” Phil shouted, then groaned in his hands, “Look, I am sorry Dan, but I am not cool,” Phil reached for his ears and pulled off the magnetic gauges, yelping a bit when the right one nipped his ear (taking Dan back a bit with the scream), “I just really need this job and it seems like a really cool place to work,” He said that last bit like a honk, one nostril was covered because of the nose piercing removal, “ And it’s somewhere that I think wold work wif mah-” The black and blue lip piercings were out and on the table now, “Crazy YouTube schedule. And I am sorry, I just wanted to be cool,” 

The entire spiel, Dan said nothing and his facial expression did not change. After a couple moments of silence, Phil bowed his head and was about to apologize for wasting Dan’s time, when he started giggling. Phil’s head shot up when he looked at the man across from him giggling at how Phil poured his heart out on the table. 

“Yea Phil, I know,” Dan laughed, “I knew you were lying, the whole time too,” He smirked. 

“Wha- The whole time? You’re joking. I thought the piercings looked quite real-”

“No you spork, the piercings were fine,” Dan nonchalantly waved his hand, “Phil, I am subscribed to you. On YouTube,” Phil blinked back, “Yea. I follow you on Instagram, Twitter, and MySpace back when that was relevant. I knew who you were the second you walked in. I just thought I could have some fun with you first, before I could expose your ass,” 

“You knew who I was, before we even spoke!” Phil exclaimed distraughtly. 

“Of course, I am one of your biggest fans, you inspired me to start YouTube as well. Granted, I only have like 15 hundred subs-” 

“Hey, that’s really good! I am glad I inspired you,” Phil said and Dan smiled, which seemed like his way of coping with talking to AmazingPhil, “So, if you knew who I was, why did you let me go through all that?” 

“Because it was freaking hilarious to watch,” Dan smirked, “It’s like-” He paused for a moment, closing his eyes, and pressing his fingertips to his pursed lips, “When I started asking you questions about the piercings, it was like watching a car crash happen in slow motion. It was fun, I had a good laugh,” Phil frowned, “Also, you seemed like you worked really hard on this look too. The quality of your nails is top tier and the piercing quality is really good too, this isn’t Claire’s fake piercings. And look,” He picked up the electric blue lip piercing, “This one matches your eyes,” Dan batted his eyelashes as Phil gave him a weird look, but before Phil could comment Dan did a fake vomiting noise, making Phil laugh. 

“So,” Phil started, “I am guessing I don’t have the job,” 

Dan sighed and dropped the piercing, bouncing on the plastic and rolling near the others, “I’ll tell you what, even though I now know you’re a fake hoe, I will give a good recommendation to Russell, only if you tell this story to your audience,” Phil laughed, “I feel like that’s a pretty good trade, c’mon,”

Phil pondered for a moment, “I was probably going to tell this story to my subscribers, but I’ll only do it if you collab with me on it,” He smiled and Dan looked back like a deer in the headlights, “C’mon it would be fun, I so would love to hear your side of the story,” 

“Honestly, I am not even going to pretend to think about it, how can I say no!” Dan giggled and Phil smiled back. “Well I can talk to Russell tomorrow about you so that’s when you’ll probably hear from him, he is quick quick quick,” Dan snapped, “I have my notes down all right here. I did not make a comment on your face piercings and style because I know that wasn’t the real you. Just next time, be yourself, yea?” 

“Alright fine,” Phil picked up his gauges and started to put them back on. Before Dan could say anything, “I have to take a selfie for Instagram,” Dan rolled his eyes and muttered something like “for fucks sake”. This went much faster the second round, seeing as he knew how to work all the clips this time. “I am repierced,” Phil said in a robotic voice, causing laughs out of Dan. 

“I’ll walk you out,” He said opening the door. The pair walked side by side, occasionally bumping into each other. Phil waved to Emilee as he passed and she tentatively did the same. They reached the end and Phil could hear blends of pop mixed with the hard rock. “So thanks for coming in, you should expect a call from me or Russell tomorrow,” Dan held out a hand, “Pleasure speaking with you,” Phil took it and firmly shook it back. 

“And about the collab-” 

“In all honesty, it will probably be me calling you so, that’s how you can get my number,” Dan winked and sauntered back into the shop leaving Phil a bit dizzy. He shook his head and walked out of the mall. 

The sun started to creep into the horizon leaving the streets with a nice pink and orange glow. Phil walked towards a pub with some exposed brick and leaned against the wall, holding his iPhone up MySpace angle. He tried many different faces and angles. Eventually, a young teenager asked if he wanted him to take his photo. Phil obliged and this kid went all out with the photo session. He ducked on the ground, leaned against walls. He even partially climbed a tree to get the best above angle. 

“These all look amazing, thank you!” Phil exclaimed.

The young man smiled back at him, “No problem, but do you mind tagging me as kind of the “photographer”? I am trying to get into the game, even if it’s just doing stuff like this,” Phil said of course he would and got his Instagram handle. Phil excitedly skipped on home to upload the pictures. He did some lighting tweaking but overall the pictures were amazing. 

Phil pondered a caption of a while, backspacing many times for the lame ideas. Eventually, he decided on, “Your local Hot Topic worker finally got pierced,” Hoping to inspire some mystery from his audience.

“And post!” He said, tossing his phone aside. He normally doesn’t look at his phone for a while after posting. It just kind of blows up with likes and comments, he wants to wait at least an hour and a half before responding. But boredom overcame his senses and he began scrolling. After about 10 minutes of scrolling his greasy thumbs slipped over to the “Likes” section of Instagram where the comments were still rolling in. But Phil’s eyes were drawn to one particular commenter named “danisnotonfire” who said, “calm down there, you ain’t hired yet”. Phil smirked at the sassy remark and laughed, saying out loud, “You trash,”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah yeah I know, it's been a couple months. But I just want to get something out there I really like the story! This chapter is significantly shorter than the other ones but I just had to get something out there to motivate me to keep writing. I want to make a promise that I'll update next week! Comment hold me to that

“Please like and subscribe if you enjoyed this video and I will see you, yea you, very soon. Goodbye!” Phil sat back upright on his bed after leaning into the camera for his goodbye. He turned off the camera and began to break down his set up. 

Yesterday, Phil got a call from Dan saying that Russell was still out of the office and he should hear from him by 6:00 o’clock tomorrow. Dan seemed very professional on the phone so he could only assume that there were other coworkers hanging about or he probably would have brought up YouTube. Phil looked at his phone: 17:45. He groaned and put his camera back in the case with a little more force than necessary. He was really worried he wouldn’t hear anything back. Had Dan tricked him and just wanted to meet Phil the Youtuber and not actually considered hiring him? Did the interview really go that poorly? Was he still not over Phil faking being cool? 

This storm of anxiety wasn’t doing Phil any good. He blinked a couple times and turned on the TV to watch a trashy anime to clear his head. He didn’t even want to look at his phone. 

As the episode ended his phone chimed and Phil nearly dropped his phone in anticipation. It was an unknown number so Phil picked up the call immediately. 

“Hello?” 

A man cleared his throat on the other end of the line, “Hi, yea, is this Phil?” 

“This is he,” 

“Hello Phil! I am Russell from Hot Topic, how are you doing today?” He said, a smile in his voice. 

Phil laughed and said, “I am just getting through the day,” 

Russell laughed, though, a bit of static came through the phone too, “Well I hope you find this to be good news, I would like you to come in and meet with me so we can finally talk. It is more of a formality, really. I heard some great things about you from Dan,” 

Ah, so Dan didn’t screw him over, that was nice to know, “Yea, I would love that! I am completely open availability wise so whatever time works for you works for me too!” 

 

“Okay, how does 11:00 am tomorrow sound to you,” Phil confirmed and Russell laughed again, “Great! I am so glad this is working out. Oh, I should tell you that Dan will also be joining us for this part, if you are comfortable with that. I try to let him run things whilst I am gone but I still wanna teach him some stuff,” 

Phil actually sighed with relief at the idea of Dan being there. Dan will be calming presence in this nerve wracking interview, even though it is just a formality. Wait, what does he mean by formality? Does that mean he is hired but just has to meet with the Store Manager? Is he doing the interview process over again because what he did with Dan doesn’t count? Oh god, why is Russell being so vague?

“You still with me Phil?” Russell asked, amused. 

“Oh!” Phil flushed with embarrassment, “Sorry, got lost in thought there for a moment, yea, Dan is great, it is fine that he is there,” 

“Great, I am looking forward to meeting you!” There was a pause and then he continued, “By the way, I hear that you meet Tre Cool? Is that true,” 

Phil laughed heartily, “Yea, I did. Insanely cool guy. Swears a lot,” 

“Well you’re so lucky, Green Day is one of my favorite bands in the world, so I already envy you,” 

“Oh great, I already have you as an enemy and we haven’t even met yet,” 

“That reminds me,” Russell continued, Phil genuinely enjoying himself talking with this guy, “I think that it is really cool that you still have the punk thing going on with piercings and everything, even though you’re older than all the kids I have working for me now,” 

“Haha, yea, definitely,” Phil trailed off, “Did, uh, Dan tell you what I looked like?”

“No the sales associate that was here earlier, Emilee, she showed me some really good pictures of you. You got a really good camera guy there. 

“I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable about your age, but I get slack a lot from my family a lot, saying I am too old to look the way I am and I need to dress my age, but I am 37 and like piercings and tattoos dammit!” 

Phil laughed half heartedly, “Like I always say,” He gulped, “Be yourself,” 

Russell laughed and agreed with Phil, “Anyways, I am about to drive home, see you at 11:00 tomorrow! Buh bye,” And the line went dead. 

“AHHHHHHH!” 

******

Look, Phil did what anyone would have done in that situation. Russell complimented him on his bravery. He can’t just walk up in there being the posh clean cut boy that he was. He can pretend for a little bit then let his piercings “close up”. 

He walked into the store at 10:50. The plaza was dead because it was 11:00 am on a weekday. Any sane person is at school or has a job. But not Phil. Phil tousled his hair before walking in where he was greeted by a smile by Dan which quickly turned into an evil glare. 

“Hey Phil Lester, what happened to BE YOURSELF,” He whisper shouted, spit flying into his face a bit. 

“I’m sorry Dan!” Phil cried, “I was going to come as I am and then Emilee show Russell picture of me and we bonded about being older than the average punks and I didn’t wanna lie,” 

Dan breathed heavy out of his nose and stepped closer to Phil’s face, “You need to not do this anymore, you can’t keep this up forever Philly. What if Russell sees you somewhere? What if he looks at more than just that one picture of you on Instagram or watches your YouTube video? It’s getting very hard to be on your side,” He took a step back, “And now our video together is going to be like 20 minutes long,” 

“At least now it will be monetized,” 

Dan rolled his eyes, “Well, Russell is a nice guy, I am sure if you explain to - Hey hey hey! There he is! Russell!” 

Dan sidestepped to the left which put Phil in view of a 6 and a half foot tall Samoan man with long curly hair tied back into a ponytail. He had a sleeve of tattoos on his left arm and was wearing a black button down shirt with a maroon blazer over with with matching maroon slacks. He had gold piercings on his ears as well. Oh. And he had muscles about the size of Phil’s head. 

“Phil,” Russell said, his voice a lot deeper than it was over the phone, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” He stuck his hand out and Phil shook his, almost all the bones in his hand felt like they were break though. 

“Ah, oh, you too,” He cleared his throat.

“C'mon back, Dan, you too,” He summoned the pair to the oh so familiar back room. He sat down on one side and Russell and Dan on the other. “So, like I said, this is sort of just a formality. I read your impressive resume and Dan gave me your notes from your interview with him,” 

“Basically, he's just seeing if you're not a twat and you two can get along,” Dan explained and Russell rolled his eyes and socked him in the arm. 

“Essentially, yes, we do want to see if you're not a, ah, 'twat’,” He gave Dan a look who gestured him to continue. “you're one of the better candidates we have interviews so far, all the other ones are sad teenagers who don't really seem to have a work ethic. But, I know that you do because of your management role at Think2 Editing Company. A lot of the people that we interview are teenagers who are still in school, that's not exactly good for working the day shift on a weekday, which is what we would have you doing if you accepted the job,” There was an edge of hopefulness in Russell's voice that that last part. It really made Phil feel a lot better now that he knew he was wanted at this job. 

“Well, I don't know about you, but I definitely want to work here. Even as an edgy teen it was my dream to work at Hot Topic,” 

“Well some of us never get out of that phase,” He smiled and Phil chuckled nervously, Dan shooting daggers through his eyes and Phil licked the inside of his snake bites. Russell continued, “I really like you Phil, you're a lot nicer than this one over here,” Dan swatted Russell on the shoulder and they both laughed. 

“They seem to have a nice friendship, Phil thought, “I guess that's what Russell meant when he said he wanted to have a good relationship with them,” 

“Well the job is yours if you want it. You and Dan are our only 2 morning people right now seeing as one of our girls just went on maternity, so you should get to know each other very well,” 

“Oh trust me,” Dan started with a sneaky look in his eye, “I think I know Phil a lot better than you think,”

"What's that supposed to mean," Phil frowned.

"Let me take you out to dinner and you'll know then," 

"Oh!" Phil responded, realizing now that Dan was jokingly flirting with him, wanted to keep up the banting, "I guess chivalry is not dead with you," 

"It never was," Dan responded by winking at Phil, sending a shiver up and down Phil spine. 

Russell gave an exasperated sigh and shook his head at Dan, “Man, I don't even want to know what that means. I'm too old for this shit,"Russell stood up shaking his head and grabbed the files on the table and switch them out for another in his folder, “You can do the first day paperwork Dan. You two clearly, already, have a thing going on that I do not want to be a part of right now,” Russell turned and smiled at Phil sweetly, “I'm sure it has nothing to do with you though, Phil,” he jabbed his thumb in Dan's direction, “This one over here is a troublemaker. Watch out for him,” he whispered, “He's the flirty type,” 

"I don't know what his deal is either Russell," Phil responded, "Please save me," He whispered which Russell chuckled at. 

Dan rolled his eyes and forcefully clicked his pen on the wooden table, “Would you go fuck out of here Russell? Don't you have, like, inventory to do,” 

Russell rolled his eyes and marched to the back room, Dan turn his direction towards Phil and smiled handing him the tax forms and the orientation handbook. Phil had filled out these tax forms too many times to count he basically could do it without thinking at this point. He skimmed the orientation handbook the dress code policy a lot more relaxed than his other jobs, in fact he might have to try harder to find edgy clothes. He may even have to shop here.

Phil was never really one for “fashion” per say. He saw a video on his buddy KickThePJ's channel “I Don't Understand Fashion” and he had never related more. Sure, he keeps up with the trends but he likes to enter rooms in a bright red t-shirt with his striking black hair and pale skin. He likes standing out and if that means he wears an outdated Mario shirt then that's what he is going to do. Unlike Dan who is clearly up with the trends. He was wearing a geometric shapes sweater with the word “END” in the top left corner. He had on black jeans and a pair of ninja like shoes. He looked like a K-Pop model and Phil wonders if he could pull that look off. It suits Dan really well. 

“I guess that means you're going to see a lot more of me now,” Dan said breaking the silence and Phil's unintentional staring which made him jump a little bit with embarrassment. 

“Yeah I guess so,” he smirked a little bit, thinking of a witty comment, “But don't get all flirty on me. I don't think I could handle that from my supervisor right now,” 

“Right now,” Dan said seductively while winking. Phil gave him a look and Dan gasped, “Oh okay, I see what Russell meant,” 

“So... Do you think I should keep all of the…” Phil gestured towards his face and wiggle the piercings a bit on his tongue. Dan inhaled sharply while making a thoughtful expression.

“As hot as I think it looks, I really think you need to be true to yourself. But, even if you're going to be working with me a lot Russell still tropes in and out of here all the time unannounced so if you're looking to impress him…” 

“I guess I'm just going to have to live with it then,” Phil smiled and Dan rolled his eyes. The two chatted for a bit more about how ridiculously awkward Phil is for doing this whole punk edits thing in real life. Dan just says he get the piercings for real and live with it forever. Phil told him that he's afraid of needles. 

It was a huge weight off Phil's chest for him getting hired. Sure the pay isn't as good as he wanted but Russell said that he would probably promote him in the next 3 months which comes with like, a £2 raise or so. Which is surely something to look forward to. He also thinks he's made a new friend out of Dan. Sure, he's pretty weird and way to flirtatious for Phil's taste, but, ever since his editing company went down and all of his co-workers went separate ways it's been one player Mario Kart for a while. 

“So, there's one thing I do have to ask,” Phil questioned after all the paperwork was done and his first shift schedule was assigned; Dan raised his eyebrows which prompted Phil to continue, “Exactly how big of a fan of my videos are you?” 

Dan's eyes widen to the size of golf balls which made Phil frown a bit. Dan stuttered for a minute before saying, “Oh well, uh, not too big of a fan, y'know, just casual,” 

“Because you were one of the first commenters on my Instagram post, which leads me to believe you may have me on post notifications?” Phil teased a little bit taking a step forward towards Dan. 

Dan stuttered a little longer not being able to make out any words until he just opened his closes mouth like a fish. Phil laughed, “Oh Dan, I guess you're not as cool as you like to act,” Phil place to hand on Dan's surprisingly muscular bicep, “I'll catch you tomorrow for my first shift,” He winked and then left the store. Phil was not exactly the flirty type, but there's just something about Dan that makes him feel the need to combat with his flirtatious nature, even if it's just messing around. 

Phil got home knowing that tonight he could sleep easy having a new friend in tow and a new job around his belt. He had only ever worked in retail once and that was a total disaster. But, this looks promising. He was finally getting back on track

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave comments and kudos!! It will make me more motivated to update! 
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr: Weasley-is-our-king- !! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little big shorter of a chapter! It's like 2k! Enjoy!
> 
> Warning: a lot of talk of blood and sickness

Knowing what Phil knew now, he probably would have just called in sick like any normal person. Of course, he was dedicated to being a fighter, kinda. Honestly, if he didn’t have phone anxiety he probably would have been cuddled up in bed dreaming about frolicking with a celebrity. But no, he just had to drag himself out of bed, spend a half hour putting on his piercings and skinny jeans and walk to work at 8 in the morning to do inventory after only sleeping for 3 hours; cold, tired, and dehydrated. 

“Self care” is a big thing now in the world of the internet. If everything is going horribly politically and socially then surely you should at least take care of yourself, right? Not for Philly. See, he had just been graced with a wonderful video idea. The perfect brain child. So all day Phil wrote, filmed, and edited. It wasn’t until about 7:00am the next day hearing his blaring alarm grossly early in the morning that he remembered he was due for inventory training with Dan. 

Let’s emphasise that Phil literally didn’t eat or drink anything that day. So walking in and seeing black spots in his vision and his legs feeling like lead did not surprise him at all. 

“Hey there again Philly!” Dan yelled atop a ladder, a pile of shirts in one hand and his other arm holding a box to his hip. Dan’s curly hair was swept up off of his forehead and his face was freckled and radiant. Phil’s blurred vision due to his exhaustion gave Dan a nice golden glow around his person. Well, he was standing right next to a light. “How were your 2 days off? Do anything fun?” Phil murmured something but what Dan said seemed more like a rhetorical question because he immediately began rattling off jobs. “Firstly I need you to exchange the Stranger Things t-shirts for the Stranger Things sweatshirts. I showed you where those were in the back yesterday. Just exchange them out, you can even put the shirts in the sweatshirt box. After you have those folded I need you to retag them to make them £29.99 instead of £39.99. After you retag them you need to code them. Get the scanner and hit price, price point, change, type: 3999, enter, type: 2999, code, finish. Come to me when you’re done I am running behind today, thanks!” He jumped off the ladder from a very unsafe distance and ran of into the back. Of the 6 days that he has worked with Dan he has never seen him run or even go at a light jog. Power walk, maybe. 

What Dan told Phil on his 3rd day was that he didn’t really care about his job. Like sure, he cared enough to show up to work and actually get his jobs done, but if for some reason he got fired or the place burned down somehow, it wouldn’t really matter. 

“But you work so hard at this, though.” Phil said, following Dan with an armful of boxes, “You work like 45 hours a week,” Dan threw the merchandise down with a grunt and began organising. 

“Okay firstly, just because someone works a lot doesn’t mean they work hard. I have bills to pay, Phil. I live in London. Secondly, at any time I only ever work at about 50% of my true capacity. There is no reason for me to work any harder than I have to. I don’t wanna go home at the end of my shift 100% exhausted. I will go home 50% exhausted and 50% ready to watch Netflix until 12.” 

“I am still a bit confused,” Phil said slowly. 

“Well, think of it this way,” He gestured toward the boxes on the floor, “I could organize this merchandise about 80% perfectly in about 5 or 7 minutes. But, I choose to be meticulous and make it 100% right which may take, eh, 15-20 minutes. I am still working, not just dicking around, actually working. But this means I am in the back and you-” The sensor beeped in the back, signaling a new customer, “You have to go help that guest that just walked in,” 

Phil groaned, “Do I have to, I hate talking to people,” 

Dan shrugged, “You tried your best to fold those shirts in record time. If you had just taken your time, maybe it would’ve been me dealing with the 13 year old scene kid.” 

Phil groaned and headed to the front. Similar to how today, Phil groaned and headed to the back. He began thinking about how he became so weak to sleep. When he was a teen, he could sleep for 4 hours a night and still be jiving in the morning. Now, if he doesn’t get an adequate 8, or at least 6, he is a basically a zombie for the whole day. However this was different. This not being zombified, this is walking through thick jelly and your thoughts clouded by a muggy static that makes your brain feel like it is constantly buffering. This was a mistake. Phil needed to go home. 

“Dan,” Phil whispered to his manager in front of him, Dan frantically counting dozens of socks. He didn’t hear him, “Dan,” He said again. Nothing. “DAN,” He mustered with all his might. 

“Hmm?” Dan hummed in response. Apparently his yelling was not as loud as his brain made it seem. 

“I… Really don’t feel good,” Phil sweated. He wiped a bit of sweat off of his forehead and panted a little bit, talking was just exhausting him. 

“Are you sick?” Dan said, concern floating in his voice but still have yet to turn to look at Phil. 

“Well I- Dunno. I feel like I can’t work at 100% today. Not even 50%,” He said now leaning on one of the selves for support. 

“Okay well maybe I can- Oh my God,” Dan interrupted himself after looking at Phil, “Phil! Why did you come in! You are literally blending in with the whiteboard over there,” Phil sighed. 

“I just wanna go home early,” Phil said. 

“No, you are going home now. I’ll explain inventory to Russell, maybe I’ll get Adrien to come in-” 

“No, no, I don’t wanna go home. I am already clocked in, is there something I can do?” Phil begged, his eye burning but he would not allow any tears to fall. Stupid exhaustion making him feel useless. 

“Is there nothing I can do to convince you?” Phil shook his head and Dan groaned, “Fine, just do what I said with those Stranger Things sweatshirts. There are 5 out now, if you can handle that I’ll give you another task.” 

“Can you explain the retagging once more,” Phil asked. Dan explained and Phil got to work, desperate to prove himself not useless. He successfully retagged and restocked the 5 shirts and showed it off to Dan who smiled at him proudly and told him to do it with the rest of the merchandise. Phil opened boxed with the orange Exacto Knife and got to work, feverishly stocking and putting away items before his adrenaline went away. He restocked Stranger Things sweatshirts, refolded Black Veil Brides shirts and other bands, faced the Funko Pops, and replaced the ocean necklaces with galaxy chokers. Working and keeping himself busy really made Phil feel better. 

“Okay, I need you to stock the Pokemon Display in front. Let’s Go just came out and now there is a lot of hype. Eevee shirts are next to the Pikachu hats in the back. I think you need to open a box. Put that shirt on the display model and then stock them front and center.” 

“Aye aye, captain,” Phil saluted and ran to the back to grab the orange friend and the box. 

He took the box to the front of the store and moved the knife across the smooth cardboard and tape when it stopped almost at the end. 

“C’mon, it was so satisfying,” Phil tugged and tugged but it wasn’t budging. 

He tried to just tear it but that was no dice either. He put his thumb under the flaps of the box to find the problem; he realized a shirt was bunched up at the top. He flicked the offender away without moving his thumb and then cut the box open. There was a split second when Phil was very proud of himself until he felt a cutting pain in his thumb. He looked down to see he had cut his thumb completely across its length at a 30 degree angle and by the looks of it, it wasn’t shallow. He immediately wanted to throw up because of the sheer amount of blood and the deepness of the cut. He ran to the bathroom to run his thumb underwater, the pain excruciating. 

“Damn it!” Phil exclaimed as the blood kept rushing and rushing under the water. The pink color was quite beautiful and made Phil want to sleep so desperately. But the stinging in his left thumb was hard to ignore. He opened the door, propping it open with his foot. 

“Dan!” Phil yelled, calmly. 

“What?” Dan replied uninterested. 

“Where is the first aid kit? I cut myself,” 

“In the office in the pens drawer,” Phil ran to the office, holding his thumb, hoping that Dan wouldn't ask anything else, “Do ya need any hel-” Phil slammed the door closed, not wanting to hear it. This was fine. 

He sat down on the chair, trying to bandage up the offending wound. A band-aid, cotton round, a lot of gauze and tape seemed to do the trick. He sighed, wiping sweat off of his forehead. Being exhausted and dizzy due to lack of sleep, water, and blood was really a new feeling. 

“Phil are you okay?” Dan opened the door abruptly. “You ran in quite fast and there was blood on the tap,” 

Phil sighed and chuckled, “I am fine, just a cut from the Exacto-Knife. My sickness is getting to my brain,” 

“I don't think it's the sickness,” 

“Hey!” Dan shrugged and smiled, “Anyways, I'm fine, I'll get back to stocking,” He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and Dan yelped, “What?” 

He took two strides to Phil and grabbed his wrist. “Your hand is covered in blood! You look like you just Hannibal Lectored someone!” He grabbed his other wrist as welk, “And you're bleeding through your bandages!”

“Oh no!” Phil exclaimed and then groaned. “I thought I fixed it!” 

“You didn't fix shit Phil,” He sighed, “I'm sorry, I'm just worried. I don't know what to do in a situation like this,” 

“Do you wanna call Russell,” Phil inquired. 

Dan shook his head and began pacing, thinking. Phil began to take the bandages off and looked at the wound without them. It was still bleeding and the cut is thicker than any other he had seen on his body, which made him feel woozy. His thumb was also dried up and pruned like a raisin, almost as if he had soaked his thumb in the bath for an hour. He nervously licked his snake bites and wiped his hand across his forehead again.

“Okay,” Dan said, shaking Phil out of his reviere, “I texted Russell and explained the situation, he said we'll do the rest of the stocking tomorrow,” Dan grabbed his coat off the hook and put it on, popping the collar of his Sherlock like coat. 

“Where are you going?” Phil asked. Dan gave him a look and tossed Phil's coat in his direction (him barely catching it with his good hand). 

“/We/ are going to the hospital,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooh a cliffhanger !!! Hospitals are very dramatic but I'll update soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment and let me know if I should make this chaptered or I should just leave it be. Thanks for reading! xx
> 
> Follow me on Tumblr! @thealphabetmurders


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